Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
