i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
