At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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