Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
