there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
