You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
