i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
