Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
