someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
