Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
