Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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