Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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