i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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