he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
