we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
