Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
