Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
