Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
