Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
