I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
