im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
