oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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