I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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