Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
