she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
