I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
