I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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