i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i jhust puked up my retainher.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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