it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
