Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
