remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
