I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
