Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this just has baby written all over it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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