I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
