Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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