Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
