all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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