when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
