It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
