I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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