help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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