Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
