reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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