i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
