2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
