I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
