So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
