at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
