I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
