You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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