I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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